Resolutions all around… December 31, 2008

…plus some loose ends to tie up.

On my “work” blog I revealed my official New Year’s Resolution.  I have a few minor resolutions that I also have in mind.  In addition to making something from my stash once a week, I would also like to try a new recipe once a week.  That one might be a stretch as I get lazy and complacent, but I also have a crap-load of recipes at my disposal, so I will really never have to search very hard.  First up will be Whole Grain Bagels.  It’s my first step in not visiting Panera all the time for theirs.  I will post particularly successful/pretty creations here.

Also food related, I want to get my snacking under control.  I’ve become a wicked sugar fiend.  I want to go back to snacking mainly on popcorn and having fruit or yogurt on one of my work breaks.  I refuse to give up desserts, though, and no one can make me, not even myself.  I’d like to give up the soda too, and I found myself madly, madly in love with Tazo’s Zen green tea… Even more so than the green tea I got at Tea Source.  I’d link to it, but I fully hate Tazo’s website.  I can’t link directly to the tea because it’s all flash.  I hate flash.  But…. Sugar addict.  Ugh.

But, immediately in the new year, I will buy myself some clothes.  My work wardrobe is literally falling apart.  It just has to last me one… more… day!  My shoes are shot, my black pants have been worn through by my monster thighs, my khaki pants are close to the same fate…  I’ve put it off long enough, and now I’m going to go nuts.

I’m still trying to relax.  I packed up my sewing machines, and that’s as far as I got before I became too overwhelmed.  The Hippy was pissed because his mom and sister took it upon themselves to put all his stuff in boxes.  I would welcome that right now.

Attack of the Returns December 30, 2008

It’s not often I agree with Mary Hunt.  I read her mostly to learn tips on how to save money and also for the occasional recipe.  But The Return Right entry in her blog really struck a chord with me.

The jist of the entry is that returning things to retailers is getting harder.  Boo-hoo.  Frankly, at my store, returning is still far too easy.  People get upset because we won’t take something back from three years ago.  We have a 90 day return policy, which is, in my opinion, 60 days too many.  If you don’t have a reciept, you don’t get full price back.  Typically it’s only 50%, but it’s based on the most recent sale price.  Thankfully, we don’t have to think anymore; our computer automatically knows what the return price will be.  Nice.  However, our management is easily pushed over, and there are very, very few instances in which you will not be able to return something.

Stupid things we also take back:

1. Cut fabric.  Not just fabric we’ve cut, which either ends up as a remnant that we lose money on, or we waste time trying to find it’s home back out on the floor, but fabric that someone has cut a chunk off of and used.  We will not, however, take back fabric that has had shapes cut out of it.  Yes, people try.

2. Things without packaging.  Who would buy something without a package?  Oh yeah, no one.  Except maybe employees.  Maybe.

3a. (apparently) Cupcake holders that “just didn’t work out for me.  The cupcakes fell over.”  There was still chocolate all over the carrier.  Here’s a hint: Don’t turn anything with wobbly food products on its side.  Let me guess… You can only use sippy cups because regular cups just don’t keep those pesky liquids upright and off the floor when you tip them over… *eyeroll with facepalm*

3b. Fabric with wood stain and splinters in it.  Clearly used at an outdoor wedding, only to be returned after all was said and done.  Nothing says “I Do” like not even being able to commit to a wedding decoration.

4. Books, patterns, and other copy-ables.  Nuff said.

At any rate, I’ve always been a firm believer in owning what you purchase.  I also believe in paying for what you use and buying only what you can afford. If you can’t afford a video camera (or flowers, or fabrics, or candle holders), don’t have such an extravagent wedding or family reunion.  If you can’t afford tape or pens, don’t scrapbook; can’t afford clasps, don’t bead; can’t afford needles, don’t sew.

Wait… now I’m getting into shoplifting territory.

I don’t have much to write about except for work because that’s all I do.  I start my vacation in a couple of days, during which time I will be moving into my new house.  It’s utterly depressing having to pack.  Not because I’m moving, but because I don’t know where to begin.  I started throwing out garbage tonight, only to get depressed over how much of it is not garbage.  I also have a severe lack of boxes.  Luckily, tomorrow is a truck day, so we’ll have plenty of extra boxes laying around.

Do I really have to organize, or can I just throw stuff into boxes and hope for the best?  *grumble*

X-Mas X-Post! December 25, 2008

My present to myself today (you know, other than the new sewing machine… *whistles innocently*(*cough* and the crock pot*cough*)) is to go easy on the blogging. So I’m cross posing, suckas!

Merry Christmas to all my readers and anyone who happens to stumble on this mess. I hope you eat your fill and get everything you wanted and nothing you didn’t. I also hope you get many pleasant surprises, because those are the best.

DK’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day December 21, 2008

I’m depressed today and am hating life in general.  But I feel as if I have some very good reasons:

• Antibiotics waged war on the good bacteria in my body.  Feel free to draw your own conclusions, but I won’t name it because I don’t want people finding my blog because of that Google search…
• After taking a break from making presents because I kept screwing things up, I finally finished BILOSORD’s present.  Only to discover I put the zipper in backward.  God-freaking-dammit.  He’s getting it like that with a note saying I’ll fix it during my vacation.
• I realized I have a wedding to go to tonight.  I’ve known about it for months, so I really have no excuse, but the week of Christmas really snuck up on me.  I have nothing to wear that 1. fits and B. is warm enough for below freezing weather.
• The Hippy has to work until just before the wedding.  Not only do I have no clothes, but I have no date.  I’m feeling a tad bit resentful of this; not because he has to work, but because he doesn’t want to go.  Frankly I feel as if he owes me a wedding, a baptism, a coworker’s party, a family member’s birthday, a new years party, and a smattering of friends’ parties.
• My mother is telling me to call up my busienss partner to be my date.  She also told me to take my dad.  Good thing I don’t have a brother or cousins, or they would have been volunteered too.  I feel pathetic.  Not because I have no date, but because I’m incapable of going to any sort of party without a safety friend.
• I don’t have anything to eat because I’m too lazy/stressed/busy to go shopping.  All I’ve had to eat today is cereal.  And I think my milk tastes funny.  But it might be the cereal.  I don’t even have junk food to stuff my face with to make me feel better.
• I have a sharp, stabbing pain in my back that makes breathing nearly impossible.  I’m pretty sure it’s my lungs, it’s a common occurance..

Just in general I’m pretty crabby I guess.  I’m so tempted to sleep the rest of the day away, but I have a wedding to get ready for…

“Thanks for listening to me…” December 19, 2008

Friends, it’s Christmas.  It’s been Christmas in retail since October 1, but we’re in the thick of it, and a couple weeks ago marked the point where Christmas spirit shows itself to be a whole load of crap.  I don’t know anyone that’s been killed or even spit on yet, but we may as well have been.

You see, there’s a wide spread condition in the retail world called Subhumanitis.  It’s inflamation of the subhuman gland.  It’s bad enough we bring it on ourselves (let’s face it, I don’t work in retail because I have a passion for consumerism, and neither do any of my fellow peons, we do it because we don’t feel like there’s anything else), but we really don’t need to be reminded of our condition on a daily basis.

Take the customer who, for whatever reason, decides to yell at a clerk for something entirely out of their control.  It’s a lovely way to remind them they don’t matter.  For starters, they’d love to be able to help (most of them), but they can’t.  The product just doesn’t exist, they aren’t in control of ordering, they don’t have the power to make that decision, etc.  Secondly, the customer is getting angry in their general direction for what, at the end of the day, will end up being entirely insignificant.  But to them, it’s another piece of straw on their back.  It will end up being significant the more it happens.  Ending with “Thanks for listening to me..” doesn’t help them.  They aren’t getting paid enough to be yelled at.  I’m considered “well paid” and *I* don’t get paid enough to get yelled at.  Vent to your friends; or better, complain to someone who can actually do something about it.

Also, dumping unwanted product in the middle of the floor isn’t job security.  We don’t get paid to clean up, as it turns out.  We’re customer service.  Every time we have to pick up dumped shit (sometimes, sadly, literally) is another customer we can’t help.  Customers who don’t get helped don’t spend money.  No money means no jobs.  We also don’t get paid to babysit.  Babysitters, apparently, get paid more.  We’re not therapists, we’re not experts, and we don’t know what other stores carry.  I’m sorry, I just don’t know how to tie a toga and I don’t know where you can get neoprene.  That’s what the internet is for.

Don’t get me wrong… I have some great customers.  Sadly, though, they are few and far between.  And this is the time of year when all the fangs and claws and venom come out.  It starts with halloween and just keeps rolling on through the new year.  Thank god I get a vacation soon.  Jan 1 can’t come soon enough!

Run!! Don’t Walk!!! December 12, 2008

Elf’s Lament for FREE on Amazon.com!!!!  I’m pretty sure it’s free through Christmas, and you can find more free songs here.

God… since when do I care enough about Christmas music to dedicate three days’ worth of blogging to it?

How Could I Forget? December 11, 2008

The other night I had the pleasure of listening to four different Barenaked Ladies Holiday songs quite a few times. I’m thrilled by BNL’s holiday songs because they’re slightly off the wall and they include Hannukah songs. In fact, I was about to edit my last post to include Barenaked for the Holidays among my list of favorite Christmas Albums.

Until I read the full track list.  What the hell, BNL?  Do They Know it’s Christmas?  Have we learned nothing?  But just for Rocketdog, they also include Wonderful Christmastime.  Good times.  I do, however, love Elf’s Lament.

By the way, head on over to AKA Chesty LaRue for another great review of our beloved insensitive Christmas song.

PS: I got to watch Elf last night, and now all is right with the world.

I’m an expert in this field. December 10, 2008

Aside from the whole “jingle horse” thing, that is.

I listen to a crap load of Christmas music.  The majority of it isn’t by choice.  But I have some very strong opinions on Christmas music that I never really thought I would have.

Best Christmas Album Ever: John Denver and the Muppets-A Christmas Together

Extremely Close Second: It’s a Cow Christmas

Honestly, I think the only reason John Denver and the Muppets wins is because it’s easier to find and therefore easier to enjoy.  But the songs on It’s a Cow Christmas are classic in their own right.

Best Christmas Song (three-way tie): Carol of the Bells, Jingle Bells, Baby It’s Cold Outside

Carol of the Bells: Classic.  Amazing as a choral piece or orchestral.  It’s one of the few songs ever to be made better by having sung it in choir.  My reason for this is the tenor part: “Oh, how ha-a-ppy a-are their tones.”  It’s cheesy, but I love it.

Jingle Bells: It’s just a happy song, what can I say?  I cannot, however, get on board with Jingle Bell Rock.  Screw that.  Jingle horse…..

Baby It’s Cold Outside: I never fully appreciated this song until Elf came out.  Seriously, watch that.  Actually, I suppose you could say I never fully appreciated Christmas or Will Farrell until Elf came out.  Anyway, it’s a little bit naughty, though perhaps not so much by today’s standards.  It’s cheeky, that’s for sure.  It’s not outright Christmas, so it can be played for months on end and still have meaning.  In fact, I sing it in the middle of summer when the night time temp drops below… oh… 80.  For this ghoti it’s almost always cold outside.  I also appreciate duets, perhaps more than the average joe.

Worst Christmas Song EVER: Do They Know it’s Christmas.  Most culturally insensitive song to ever be written.  Here’s the lyrics, but let me highlight a few of the gems.

Where the only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears

The greatest gift they’ll get this year is life
(Oooh) Where nothing ever grows
No rain nor rivers flow

And the best line of all–the one I hoped to god I was hearing wrong:

Well tonight thank God it’s them instead of you

Excuse me?  Thank god it’s THEM?  Why should I be thankful they’re suffering?  Let’s forget for a moment that many Africans probably don’t give a rat’s ass that it’s Christmas.  If you are writing a song that is supposed to inspire people to help others, why they hell would you add a line that says, essentially, be thankful there are people suffering enough that you can help them.  That deserves a good old fashioned Lewis Black freakout.  Too bad it doesn’t translate well into blog, and I can’t do it as well as The Hippy can anyway.

Well, baby, it’s cold outside, and I left work early to heal and sew.  So heal and sew I must start doing.

Urgent Care sucks… December 9, 2008

I have Paronychia. Which is a really fun way of saying finger infection. I’m on antibiotics, but according to Target’s Clinic, it will never go away until a medical professional drains it. Which is why I was sent to urgent care. The urgent care doctor wasn’t convinced I needed to have my finger drained.

If I have to go back in a week to have it drained, I will cut someone.

I realize that the doctors in the urgent care clinic don’t want to be there. It’s part of their job working in a hospital. That does not, however, give them the right to just glance at my painfully angry finger and push me out the door with a prescription. Especially when I’m probably going to be charged nearly $200 for said visit. I have no idea how much insurance will cover; hopefully it’s all of it.

I still have long blog entries in my head, but it hurts to type, so they’ll have to wait until my finger isn’t filled with pus.

I toyed with the idea of taking a picture of my finger, but I’ll spare you. It’s not as bad as some of the pictures you can find on the internet, but it isn’t pretty. I keep it covered at work; I’m not sure if that’s good for the infection or making it worse. But I don’t want it to scare people, and I definitely don’t want it to start draining on its own and make a yucky mess.

Aren’t you glad you know me? I’m awesome, I know.

I won’t sleep til i have an answer December 4, 2008

What the hell is a jingle horse???